If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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