just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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