pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
North Korea, Best Korea!
honey bunches of taint.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
