I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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