The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
