Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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