If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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