We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
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hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
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Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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