Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
