Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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