my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
