I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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