Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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