I wish I could teleport
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
