i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
