my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
