I heard we made out
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
