My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
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I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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