Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
