I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
