Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
