Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
