he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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