She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize