Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
