She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
