I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
