There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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