I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
