My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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