i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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