So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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