...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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