If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
