Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
