Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And then my night got REAL pukey
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
