I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
