and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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