I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
