Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
