O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
