im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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