My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
