Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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