my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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