youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
