i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Hippo gnu deer
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
