remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
