Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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