There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize