omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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