I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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