I'm gonna have a badass scar
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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