24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
