why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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