Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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