I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
