Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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