This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
