I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
