I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The air taste purple.
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