I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
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