Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
