Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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