what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
