I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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