You just made me feel so damn special
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
