Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
