In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
