I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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