Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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