drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
